Beginning Blog

This begins my blogging experience. Hope you will bear with me as I find my way. Let me officially introduce myself. My name is Toni W. I'm a struggling writer and lifelong student in the art of learning to live without fear.

I've wanted to be an author since I was 11 years old. I spent my childhood curled up reading books and then later attempting to write them. I remember spending summer afternoons tucked in between three pine trees in the back corner of my yard with a notebook and nothing but the summer breeze to fan my creativity. My first story was about a house with furniture that came alive at night after the humans in the house went to sleep. My longest story at that time was about a young girl who was lost in the woods during a heavy snowstorm. My favorite was about a girl who was caught in a tornado. (Natural disasters seem to be a big thing for me back then!)

I grew up and went to college, majoring in magazine journalism. It was the closest thing to novels; way back then very few colleges had creative writing programs. I studied hard, graduated summa cum laude, and found a job as a member of the public relations department of the local electric utility. Not a lot of novel writing, but I figured I could work my way into it eventually.

Well, most of you, if you're over 30, can guess what happened next. I got married, bought a house, and moved around in my career (notice I didn't say I moved UP?). I moved around to data entry and ended up in technical writing for the computer industry. I wrote those user manuals that no one ever reads.

When I was 33, I realized my dream of writing novels might never come true if I didn't start soon. I could almost feel my creativity drying up and dwindling away to nothingness. I started thinking about the stories I'd heard about my family, and I soon came up with an idea for a novel. It took me one year to write it and four more years looking for a publisher. I came close once or twice, but finally decided to self-publish. The result, "Out of Grace," was published in 2000 by ACW Press.

The following couple of years were a great ride. Friends bought my book. My church family bought it. My marketing efforts landed a couple of newspaper articles, which led to some speaking engagements. I was asked to attend the Christian Book Assocation's annual convention that year in New Orleans. My friend's friends asked for books, and my dad talked up the book to everyone he met. Overall, I sold about 700.

I began my second book, "Hidden in the Light." I'm still trying to find a publisher for it because I can no longer afford to self-publish. I'm finishing my third book, "Words Will Never Hurt Me." My fourth book is kind of percolating in my brain right now, almost ready to take flight onto the printed page.

Along the way, I've also encountered self-doubt, questions, and struggles about whether I was a "real" writer. But I also realize these struggles are really about who I am as a daughter of God. In the past couple years, I've begun to realize I've played it too safe in life. Why? I think it's been fear. Fear of living, fear of failing, fear of succeeding, fear or trying something new and turning into someone I didn't recognize.

How silly! As I grow into my Christian life, I'm beginning to finally believe that God IS in control of all things. He DOES watch out for me. He WILL work things out for my good. I should never have lived with this fear at all. I only hope that now He will use me to help others get past their fear.

I'm home recuperating from surgery, so I plan to post most days of the week until I return to work. (I've been my church's secretary for the last 8 years.) After I return to work, I plan to post at least once a week as my time permits. I hope you will join me as I blog about writing, learning, and living. I welcome your comments.